I recently started asking myself why women are in such a hurry to get married. Marriage at its best for most women entails changes to your body, name, lifestyle, finances and priorities. You can no longer make your own decisions, you become subject to another’s authority, you possibly have to have children and go through the psychological and physiological changes that requires and even the children don’t bear your name! If you are blessed, your mother-in-law is an angel who can see how much better off her son is because of you, if not, well, fill in the blanks. Yet from when most of us turn into teenagers, we start to dream about that white dress, that day, the perfect man, the perfect marriage, the happy ever after no thanks to Disney and years of fairytale princess stories.
Add to that, all the stories of our friends failed or less than perfect marriages do not deter us, neither do the statistics – one out of every two marriages is very likely to end in divorce. In this part of the world, the law or society does not protect married women who end up abandoned, abused or divorced, so you are more likely than not to end up alone, with children to raise, less money that you might have had if you had decided to pursue a career instead, a string of people who despise you because you are stigmatized i.e divorced, yet somehow, we believe that we will not end up that way, we will instead be the exception.
It puzzles me because even though I would like to call myself more rational than emotional, I can totally relate with the seemingly irrational desire to be one with someone else, to raise a family, to have the white picket fence et al. The big question is WHY?
Marriage, is indeed a worthy enterprise, no statistic in the world can change that. However, the odds don’t seem very favourable, there are so many voices out there with opinions about what the modern day woman should be or do to be happy, rules on what modern families should look like, so many opinions and it is not certain what is true and what is not. It is so easy to get caught up in the madness, loose your way and end up as a statistic.
Today it finally came together for me. I must say at this point that this is ENTIRELY my opinion based on my experiences and thoughts so please feel free to disagree or comment to the contrary.
What put it together for me? God’s word of course! In Genesis 3:16 when God was responding to Eve’s disobedience, he said:
” To the woman He said:
“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”” New King James Version
God cursed Adam and Eve based on what was most important to them, why they were created. For Adam is was in his role as protector and provider, for Eve, it was in her role as a nurturer, in her relationships. The woman is doomed to seek and prioritize others, when we are younger, its our siblings and parents, when we become young women, we turn that desire for relationships to unsuspecting young men, some who have learnt how to manipulate that desire and have left a wake of hurting women behind them, others who are ill-equipped to harness that desire and turn it into something valuable.
Seems like the puzzle is solved right? Possibly. The question then becomes what do we do next? Run away from the idea of marriage? Definitely not!! Marriage is still a worthy enterprise but it is not one to be entered into without proper planning, preparedness and knowledge. If you are already married, its not too late to begin understanding your true gift and role as a woman and the unique position you occupy in humanity.
This is not to promote pride or a men-hating speech. We are all human, we have made mistakes and are less than perfect but with a desire to become better versions of ourselves, we can bless the world with a light so bright, no society, stereotype or dogma can put it out. Go on a journey of self-rediscovery today, if you are single you have an even greater opportunity to define your rules and boundaries and reset your trajectory, search the word, listen to the Holy Spirit and He will reveal to you secrets you never before understood and imagined.
Photo Credit: http://treymorgan.net/10-things-wives-should-avoid-in-their-marriage/